STITCHES

At the request of one of my patients (who just got four stitches in his eyebrow) and his mother, I will try to document my frequent claim that I have had 100 stitches in my life.

My first stitches that I know of "historically" occurred in my Grandmother Edward's front yard at about the age of 3. I was reportedly playing train and arranged a couple of folding wooden lawn chairs in a row and somehow managed to catch the end of my left middle finger in one of the chairs as it collapsed. Looking at the scar and the lack of importance of plastic surgery in the late 40s, I probably got 2 stitches on my first go.

My next adventure was running in my cousin, Charlene's, cowgirl boots (which were too large for me) in their home in Lansing, Kansas (where my uncle was the assistant warden at the state penitentiary) and slamming into the corner of a wall and knocking my mid-forehead open. As the story goes, it knocked me out and they sewed my back together while I was out. (I'm not sure that I really would have been out that long, but that' the story.) I would estimate that I probably got 4 stitches, since it was on my face.

I had my tonsils removed in Columbus, Ohio at approximately 4 years, presumable 4 stitches total since it was in the days long before electro-cautery.

I returned a year later to Columbus Children's Hospital to have my left inguinal hernia repaired and that would have probably needed at least 6 stitches outside and probably 6 more inside because there was no laparoscopic surgery then and I have a long scar.

Somewhere around 10 or 11 I was taken to the hospital by my pediatrician (who made a house call because my father was out of town and my mother was in bed with the chicken pox) to have my appendix out. Again it is a rather large scar so I would estimate 8 stitches outside and probably 12 inside.

During my senior year highschool in Portales, New Mexico, my brother and I were cruising one sunny day in my '53 Chevy 4-door and saw a cool "chopped" Mercury go by and we took off in pursuit to get a closer look. In Portales and lots of New Mexico towns, the streets are made of a combination of gravel and oil, and in intersections there is often an accumulation of loose gravel.

When we caught up with the Mercury, I started to pass them to get a good look. The mistake I made was that I was passing in an intersection (still a no no) and as I started to pass, the Mercury started to turn left. I swerved to avoid collision and slid in the gravel into a 3 foot concrete retaining wall.

The impact threw my head into the "horn ring" and I cut my chin and rebroke my nose (which had just been repaired the previous year. (My parents were initially worried about my bloody face, but later not too happy about having to have surgery again) From this wound I claim 6 more stitches. And remembering that I had two nasal surgeries, there were probably 30 more stitches involved with them.

My next injury was as a medical student at the Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. I was helping my wife in her tissue culture lab and trying to get a pestle-like device out of a test tube (mortar) in which she was crushing some kind of tissue and I ran the pestle into my left hand (I guess right-handed people injure left hands more!) and had to go to the emergency floor and get 4 more stitches.

I have another scar on the base of my left palm but cannot remember when in childhood or why, but probably another 3 stitches there. This brings the total to 87 which is closer to 100 than I thought it would be when I actually started counting.

I also have two other wounds, one on my knee and one on the back of my "left" hand where Crisco actually did a better job than sutures could have but I could easily have had 13 more stitches for these two wounds and then my claim would actually be correct which we first children like to be!!